Starry Eyed Inside
by maevel
Summary: "Their secret love had all been blood and roses - pain and heartache, but also bittersweet and beautiful, too." It's the day before Percy's wedding. Apollo decides to visit her one last time, but realizes what exactly he's letting go in the course of it. Fem!Percy x Apollo.
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 _Laying in my bed, I'm just staring at the ceiling, baby_

 _I just wanna know if you feel what I'm feeling, baby_

 _Got you on my mind, tell me what the deal is lately_

 _I'm a man of my word, girl believe that_

 _I'm a closed book but somehow you learn to read that_

 _Know that I should relax, hate the way I react_

 _Thinking that I'm good but you know I'm 'bout to relapse_

 _Girl, wake up, let's go_

 _All I can think of is you_

– **Got You On My Mind,** by NF

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 **B** lazing, the sun stood in the pure blue sky, embracing with its rays all that didn't seek protection under the evergreen trees, enveloping the environment in a surreal beautiful light. Birds circled around up there while singing their song, sliding down within the warm wind's gentle currents, flapping their wings only then when it was necessary. It was a hot August day, and the New Yorkers were enjoying themselves outside, in swimming baths, in Central Park. The shadows were the only thing that could offer some protection against the sun.

The Sun God himself was standing in the protection of a large oak tree. Usually at this time he would be in Olympus or in his sun chariot or in the company of a beautiful nymph, but truth was that Apollo didn't want any of that. A house, Victorian style, was in front of him. It wasn't very big, but it looked tidy and _normal,_ practically waiting for its new residents to finally move in. Behind the house, a large, beautiful garden could be seen, colorful flowers and tall trees everywhere; and Apollo was hiding behind one of those trees.

He almost felt ridiculous for hiding there, but he couldn't seem to take his eyes off _her_. She was chatting with her friends, Annabeth Chase and Piper McLean, and she laughed, and smiled, and threw her beautiful hair over her shoulders. Other mortals he didn't know were frantically running back and forth, placing flowers and lights and other decorations everywhere. They all looked so … happy. So content.

Apollo could feel painful longing bubbling up inside him as he let his gaze wander over her – _Persephone Liliana Jackson,_ the woman of his life, the one who had built her throne upon his heart. She was dressed in tight jeans clinging to her shapely legs like a second skin, and a dark-blue blouse which went perfectly with her dark hair and her pale, creamy skin. The sun caught her hair in such a way that – for a moment – she looked like an angel with a dark halo, causing Apollo to stare in awe.

 _She's fucking beautiful._

He didn't know for how long exactly he'd been hiding there, but after a few minutes Percy let her gaze wander thoughtlessly around the garden. Her eyes stopped on his figure as she finally spotted him. Apollo cursed quietly to himself, no longer having time to hide behind the tree. She furrowed her brow in confusion, saying a few words to Annabeth and Piper before she turned away from them, making her way across the garden toward him. Apollo stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans in nervousness and stepped out of the tree's shadow, watching as she stopped abruptly and stared at him in utter surprise.

"Apollo," she breathed, taken aback, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, how does it look like? I'm visiting you," he said with a dazzling smile, trying very hard to hide his nervousness.

Percy cocked her head slightly and looked at him in indecision, not really knowing how to respond. He was wearing faded jeans and a white tee that did nothing less than showing off his ripped physique. His golden, golden eyes, always having the power to cloud all her senses, were hidden behind Aviator shades. As always, Apollo resembled a guy in his mid-twenties modelling for Abercrombie and Fitch. Percy looked away from him. She feared that – by staring at him for too long – all the memories would return to her again.

"Well," she said, clearing her throat, "Your visit is a tad surprising."

Apollo didn't respond to her words. He was too busy staring at her like a man starved, taking in _everything_ of her. The last time he had seen her was six months ago – when she had visited her father on Mount Olympus. He tried to compare her with the girl he'd had the privilege to meet eight years ago, but quickly realized that wasn't possible. She was no longer fourteen; she was no longer sixteen. She had turned twenty-two last week. And damn it, she was fucking gorgeous. Even more than he remembered. She was a woman now, smoothly curved in all the right places, rougher, sexier.

"You look happy," he said softly and took off his Aviator shades.

Percy lifted her head and took a deep breath upon seeing not only tenderness in his eyes but also sadness and longing. "I am," she replied in a quiet voice. "I am happy."

He should feel happy for her, he wanted to, but he couldn't ignore the painful sting in his chest, and swallowed hard. "That's good," he said and tried to smile. "You're glowing, ya know."

Slightly embarrassed, she laughed softly, brushing a loose, curly, dark strand of hair behind her ear. After all this time, Apollo was still able to make her blush with such simple words. But her laughter stopped abruptly as she heard his next words …

"You look so, so _beautiful_ ," he breathed.

His golden eyes were disarmingly gentle, as though caressing her entire body. Percy drew a sharp breath and tried to think of something else as fractions of memories shot through her mind.

 _He and she … consumed in each other … tangled in silk sheets … passionate kisses … soft moaning …_

Percy didn't want to remember; she didn't want to reawaken old feelings she had hidden deep in a drawer of her subconscious. After the second giant war, she had dived headfirst into a secret affair with Apollo, beginning when he had shown up at her door as a mortal, asking for her help to retrieve his godhood. She had known back then what she was getting herself into, had known that their relationship would explode in the end, leaving behind only broken hearts and salty tears on her cheeks. But she had fallen so hard for him. She had given him everything of her, her body, soul, and heart, and – when it had been over – she spent a long time getting over him. A little over one year later, she had started dating Jake Mason, a son of Hephaestus; and it had proved to be the right decision. Tomorrow, she would become his wife, Mrs Persephone Liliana Mason, and that's how it was supposed to be.

What she and Apollo had … it had been overwhelming. Passionate. Wild. Dangerous. It had made her irrational, letting her burn and feel alive in a mind-blowing way. But love like that wasn't meant to last. Love like that burned everything down until only ashes were left. What Percy had with Jake was different – unlike Apollo, Jake was safe, normal, and nice.

Their secret love had all been blood and roses – pain and heartache, but also bittersweet and beautiful, too.

"Apollo," she breathed, "You can't say something like that anymore."

He turned his eyes away from her, scowling at the lush green grass. They were in the protection of the tall trees around them; her _friends_ weren't able to see them from the distance. "I know," he murmured and lifted his gaze again, staring at her with such burning intensity that it made parts of her body come alive in delicious, forbidden ways, "But … Percy, I can't live with the knowledge that you … that tomorrow, you're not –" _able to become my woman again,_ "It's just … I still lov–"

Her head jerked up. "Oh, _no_!" She called out with wide eyes, "You will _not_ fucking say this, Apollo! You don't have the right to … to say _those_ words. You did once … once I was longing every day to hear those words from you, but now … now they would make everything so much harder. So please, just don't … say it."

"I'm sorry," he sighed softly, running a hand through his tousled, golden hair. It was killing him inside to be so close to her, but not being able to touch her. He remembered the way she had kissed, teased, and hugged him. The way she had spoken and listened to him, and tolerated him. Remembered her sweet taste on his tongue, under his nose, all around him.

Percy exhaled loudly. "Why are you really here, Apollo? What do you want?"

For a moment, he remained silent, staring wordlessly at her before sighing softly. He knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted _her._ He wanted her with a primal intensity that consumed him. He wanted to fuck her raw. Make her need him as much as he was dying for her. He wanted her body. Her emotions. He wanted every fucking part of her mind and soul. But he would ask for only one thing. "A kiss," he rasped in a husky voice, "I just want one kiss. The last one. Please allow me one final taste."

Her heart stopped for a few moments, then started to beat in triple speed, fluttering in her chest like a little, newborn bird. "Apollo," she whispered in disbelief, watching carefully as he stepped closer to her. She didn't bother to back off. She tilted her head back, seeing as he was much taller than her, the top of her head barely reaching his shoulders, and stared into his golden eyes that made her shiver in excitement. "I … I don't know if I can."

" _Please._ "

Percy closed her eyes in surrender and exhaled shakily. "Promise me that you'll go after this."

Apollo hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly. "I promise that I'll go then."

"Okay," she whispered softly. "Just a kiss. Just one kiss."

"Exactly," he whispered huskily, cupping her beautiful face with his strong, large hands. Her eyes would be the death of him. They were beyond beautiful, holding and restraining the ocean – mesmerizing sea greens, deep ocean's blues, mysterious blacks from the sea bed. "Just one kiss."

And then his lips were on hers.

And Percy forgot the art of breathing.

She wasn't able to feel anything but Apollo, his lips, and the kiss. Her eyes closed on their own; she felt him parting his lips slightly, his strong arms wrapping around her tiny waist to pull her closer to his body. She moaned softly in pleasure as their tongues met, beginning a lazy, teasing dance. He tasted of poetry, rasp berries, and dark chocolate. The kiss brought back all the memories. The first time they met in Winter 2007, their first kiss, the first time they had come together in the most intimate way … all of that and so much more kept crashing over her. Her heart started fluttering even wilder. A dull ache came alive in between her thighs, craving his hands, his lips, his attention. It almost scared Percy that her body remembered his so very well.

The way her body fit against his perfectly, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, was so incredibly good it scared him. She tasted the same as she did four years ago – peaches, whipped cream, and hurricanes. Her perky breasts were pressed flush against his chest. He tried, with all that he was worth for, to keep his hands from gliding lower to curl them around her pert ass and press her against his hardness. He knew that it would probably scare her off, but fucking hell, he still wanted her so much after all this time. Even more now. As he deepened the kiss, letting escape a husky growl from his throat upon hearing her soft moan, Apollo thought of all the possibilities. Of all the _What ifs …_ he imagined how it would be if tomorrow was _their_ wedding. How it would be if some day she carried _his_ children. How much of an amazing goddess she would be. What a wonderful life they would spent together – full of laughter, love, and happiness.

But all that could not be. Would not be.

It was over, and he could never, ever get the chance to make up for all of his mistakes.

He had lost her. Not for several days, not for a few months – he had lost her forever. He had lost her to someone else, and as he became actually aware of it for the first time, he felt an incredible sadness ascending inside him. The sadness was soon joined by longing, melancholy, and the pain of heartbreak.

Eventually, they broke apart breathlessly with swollen lips softly breathing air onto each other. Apollo leaned his forehead against hers and let his thumbs glide gently over her flushed cheeks, staring into her teary eyes that were looking at him with so much longing and the realization of what could have been if things were different. He knew that she was affected by the kiss as much as he was, but he also knew that she had managed to get over him. He, however, would never find the strength to get over her, because he was a fool for love, and he would never be able to look at Aphrodite without seeing Percy.

The love he had for her was something he knew she'd never fully understand. The love they had shared was something most people only wished to experience. She was his past, his present, and his eternity. She needed to know that. "I will never stop loving you, Percy," he said gently, brushing his lips against hers in the ghost of a kiss. "That would be like me betraying my own life … like forsaking my very own soul."

"Apollo," she breathed in a fragile voice, allowing a lone tear to escape her left eye, "I …"

"You don't have to say anything," he said hoarsely. "I got my kiss, and it was everything and more I dreamed of. I made you the promise to go after the kiss, and I will. I want you to be happy and if he's the one who makes you happy, then so be it." He pulled away and closed his eyes while exhaling deeply as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Farewell, Percy."

It was his most selfless moment.

She turned her gaze away as he teleported, and upon looking back at the spot where he had stood, she realized that he was gone for good. Percy raised the back of her hand to her mouth, trying so hard to swallow down the sob building inside her throat.

It was the first time Percy cried because of the realization that she would never love a man the way she loved Apollo.

It was the first time for millennia that Apollo cried, but he did it in secret.

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Oh, this was a bitch to write.

I actually shed a tear every now and then when writing it, because it literally ripped my heart out to write this kind of ending.

So, people, now it's your turn to say something. Did you like it? I would love to hear your opinions about it. Should I maybe write a sequel? Because I know that I'm too much of a softie and happy end lover to let it end like this. I'm also thinking about writing the prequel to this, how the story of Apollo and Percy started, and then moving on to the point after this oneshot.

 **Just let know what you think, will ya?**

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